expanding the field of awareness

Finally, after a few days my mind is zooming out. But it took that long. 3 days. A day for each day my dad was with us over Christmas. As it goes:

“If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” Ram Dass

What I mean by zooming out is that I’m no longer fixed in the moments of frustration. I’m not retelling the story or reimagining the agitating conversations to play out differently. I’m no longer zoomed in on the acute but instead, Im remembering, with it, more of our time together. In the language of mindfulness- I’ve expanded the field of awareness. Ten years ago, it would’ve taken much longer and it’s likely I wouldn’t have even engaged in the difficult moments. Today though, I’m able to engage the skills I’ve been practicing. I’m remembering the laughter, playing football in the front yard and his answers to the Game of Stories by Esther Perel. I’m leaning more into curiosity. (Accessing curiosity is a cue of knowing when you have expanded the field of awareness and returned to Self energy. Essence.) Instead of my mind looping on what he said that infuriated me, I’m curious on where we missed the connection in those moments. I’m curious how I can do better in difficult conversation both holding my truths and listening to understand. He’s reflective so I know we are going to revisit the moments that there was hurt. Thankfully, because of felt sense mindfulness, I can now hold those repair conversations with love and Self energy. 

The act of zooming in and focusing on a real or perceived sense of threat is a survival function. Yay, brain! Although not always optimal, it is normal. When the perseveration continues, interfering with the present moment, deterring from sleep and regular function, the zooming in can transition to a chronic sense of anxiety or stress. *Note, zooming in is not the same as reflecting and revisiting.* Within the the teachings of meditation, mindfulness and movement, we can practice zooming in and out- expanding our field of awareness so more than the acute thing can be held, giving way to peace. My felt sense mindfulness approach includes doing this investigation with titration- bits at a time- and invites the body along. 

Maybe you too are experiencing a zoomed in mind loop. A repeat conversation or body sensation. I recorded this felt sense meditation before the holidays that has us practice zooming in and out. Let me know after listening, how it goes.

May these practices fill our homes, neighborhoods, communities- both local and global, with peace. 

*The practice is trauma inclusive, non-dualistic, and informed from a collaboration of resources, including The Blind Spot Effect by Kelly Boys, IRest yoga nidra, and Peter Levine’s work in somatics.

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